How to break up with someone

This is a Hindu epic with an epic breakup in the end. The movie is kind of long, but it pays off: by the end the characters figure something out about breakups. My observations are a bit less general, but maybe will work for somebody:

When two people are in relationship, at some point one of them feels it’s impossible to continue. And the key word is “feels”. It is typically not due to some cruel circumstances or irreversible mistakes they made. It’s just the way first person feels. Yet if that person is just honest about their feelings, the partner’s natural reaction will be to “fix” it – think constructively, find out what’s wrong and ask for another chance! This is exactly what the first person doesn’t want to happen (remember, that person feels like it’s impossible to be with his partner any longer, and trying to fix things just means staying with that impossible partner indefinitely).

So the first person decides to fabricate some sort of impossible circumstance or find some inherent flaw in their partner. Note that “inherent flaw” is a powerful tool in narration, one of the foundations of drama etc. If the first person is more honest than that, and cannot tell an outright lie, they may just decide to not say anything. Cut all ties and stop talking to their partner, leaving them in dismay and confusion. The partner will go through both phases anyway: trying to “fix” it and perceiving some inherent flaw within themselves. So it appears that the better way out is to fabricate some story: “I have to move to another city” or the likes of it. The partner will accept it faster and suffer less.

Yet I would like to encourage a better resolution than the two listed: not just honest, but honest and brave. If you are breaking up with someone, let them know but don’t leave them immediately. Let their feeling sink in, let them try to “fix” it, as repulsive as it may seem. And then help them get over their low self esteem. And only then leave. I wonder if many people are as selfless as that.


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