A valuable lesson on rejection

In a movie to come out about high school a teacher is encouraged by his students to hit on another teacher. When he approaches her, he asks her instead to slap him to “teach the kids a valuable lesson in rejection”

So I realized that one of the things that makes me who I am (a shut-in) is a still-present fear of rejection. It is so strong, that I put huge efforts to make “safe” the actual situations where I need to talk to strangers. That is, even if I need to ask directions, I can only ask it if I’m sure the person will reply. I won’t ask a person with headsets on, who is facing away from me, because I’m not sure I’ll successfully attract their attention to start talking. And the situation when I tried and failed is so scary, that it discourages me from trying. Obviously rejection isn’t that scary, but how to explain it to my subconsciousness?

(this post is inspired by Scott Aaronson’s speculation that his own teenage fears were coming from bad counseling and extreme stygma against having sexual attraction to girls)


American party for dummies

So I’ve spent most of my analytic abilities on figuring out how to party right (instead of doing research to graduate).

Yesterday it was a GSC party themed by TV show Mad Men (they always try to encourage pickup, flirting and good ol’ 60’ies harassment). First hour was okay, then all who I knew left, and the usual GSC crowd remained.

Have you ever felt bad when other people are having so much fun at the party but you are left out, with noone you know and noone to talk to? I’ve decided to overcome that feeling and stay at the GSC party yesteday for all 4 hours of it’s time.

I didn’t drink. I also did not intend to do crowd-watching. My main goal was just to stand there, looking cute. It’s not easy, if you keep thinking “I have to talk with that girl” or something like this. But when I banished my desire to party or start conversations with girls, it felt muuuch better. There are indeed two main spirits that possess people’s mind there: one tells to act stupid and laugh, the other, mostly for guys, tells to chase girls in red dresses.

So if a guy is wandering around not able to talk to girls he like, he probably won’t be happy if you stop him and try to have a fun conversation. But he will be most happy if you promise to assist him in attracting attention, meeting new people etc.

There are many things going on at once at the party, but you don’t have to keep in mind them all. Just forget about two spirits-desires and you will feel comfortable no matter what’s going on.

Among the many things may be:girls bringing a new guy into company
guys energizing girls by making faces, jumping etc.
girls leaving the party, saying byes, then coming back
ballroom dances vs. club dance (some girl don’t want to dance with partner)
girl in red dress has 2 friends, who come to listen to all the guys entertaining the one in the red dress, but don’t talk or attract attention themselves

One more thing: sore throat gave me a lesson. Instead of telling stories and jokes without a stop, it is sometimes sufficient to say one or two words, very absurd, but with a serious face.